Not Working Seems To Be Working…

…for now anyway.  After reading my lovely friend Mandy’s comment on yesterday’s post, I have spent some time today reflecting on things I have put out into the blogosphere in the past year, and musing on how not working feels now, after more than 18mths of the habit.  I have been inspired by, and feel some camaraderie with other stay-at-home-mothers who blog their daily lives.  It has helped immensely to read their thoughts and to feel that I am not alone, and indeed there are some very creative and interesting people out there bringing up their children splendidly…

In the past week I have found the erosion of my social position (if you could call it that) in the absence of paid employment more acutely than I have done this year.  Not sure why that is… nothing much has changed.  But I guess, like homesickness, these things come and go in waves.  So it appears I may not have really resolved any of the feelings of being all at sea that come from not working, rather just buried them beneath a patina of getting-on-with-it-ness (is that preoccupation?).

Nevertheless, on the whole it seems that the job of the homemaker generally sits well with me – for now.  I keep busy keeping the baby clean, healthy, happy and hopefully stimulated enough to be developing at a suitable pace.  I usually manage to keep the house tidy and clean, the pantry stocked, and food on the table.  Most weeks I also manage some sort of creative endeavour and/or some interesting outings and social engagements.  I am also keeping involved with some political activism of sorts and making an effort to stay engaged a little with the outside world, though often it is only the internet that answers for that.  As I said to Akira’s aunt last week, I do enjoy the quiet pace of life with Kazuo, and am reluctant to disrupt it in the near future, though the prospect of paid employment is looming on the 2010 horizon.  And one thought that bugs me, is that most women are expected to do all the things I mentioned above AND engage in some kind of paid employment… now where does the energy for that level of commitment come from?  How must the division of labour in the home shift to accommodate the working mother, and am I cut out for such a juggling act?  Even more interesting, how could my split personality (for surely that is what is required) impact on Kazuo, who currently has my more-or-less undivided attention?

Well, I don’t have much to show for today’s not-working, but one of the main activities was keeping the little man somewhat close to his usual sunny dispostion – seems he woke on the wrong side of the bed.  Here you can see us at the post-consolation-point, Kaz still in his sleep sack from his nap, but managing a smile after the hard work of cheering him up from a teary awakening has been achieved.  I am grateful for the tenuous and perhaps fleeting ability to still comfort him/get him to sleep with a little cuddling, a bit of patting and some soft singing.  I hope that persists for a wee while yet.